All In All, What Does It Mean?

There are times lately when I would give anything to know what you are thinking. Those times where we are spending time together, but where you still seem to be so many miles away. I try not to push or to pry when you get like that and I see that faraway look in your eye. It gets difficult though, because I know that there are things you are not telling me. They are things that can come between us and what we are trying to have.

When we are together it becomes frighteningly easy to lose myself in the moment and just be with you. It's almost too easy to forget who I am and just be a woman in love. In those moments I can pretend that I am not a witch and that you are not the assistant district attorney of San Francisco.

But you are hiding something from me, I can tell. I don't need my powers of premonition to tell me that whatever secret you are keeping from me can wind up hurting us and everything we may one day have together.

One day might have...

You don't know what I saw or found out when my sisters and I got sucked into the past and one of the locals did the "Peeling Apple" trick for me. The one where the initial of your true love is formed from the peel once it hits the water?

C.

C for Cole.

My true love if the fortune teller is to be believed.

But I bet you don't believe in such things, do you? No, you're probably too practical to believe in magic and fortune tellers.

It makes me even more curious to know what it is you're hiding when I ask such a simple question.

"What has got you so lost in thought and so pensive?"

You never answer the simple questions like that.

You'll smile and brush it off, or shake your head, but you never answer it. You turn your head and move onto something else -- looking away from me as you compose yourself or whatever it is you are doing in those moments.

What is it that you are hiding from me, love? What is so bad that you avoid me for hours or days after that question gets asked?



Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 388

Pheebs,

There are many things that I would really like to tell you. I also know that there are a lot of things that you would prefer to learn on your own, but I can at least try to make things a little easier on you -- no matter how stubborn you are.

And you are exceedingly stubborn. I know this from personal experience.

The most important thing I need to tell you is to not leave San Francisco and your family. Don't do it, Phoebe. You stand firm and make Prue listen to you about that slimey weasel, Roger. Don't allow her to believe the worst about you and that entire situation, even if it seems easier just to leave instead of fight. You're her baby sister and she loves you. Running away will only make things worse in the long run -- and make it easier for her to believe the accusations he will make.

Trust me on this. It's important.

Try to make things easier on Piper. Being stuck between you and Prue during your battles is not easy on her, and it's really not fair. She has a lot of faith in you and who you can become. Let her know you see that and that you appreciate it.

Time travel is going to become something that you get a whole lot of experience in -- both in going to the future and to the past. Try not to get too freaked out the first time that it happens.

Which, kind of, in a roundabout way, brings me to something... someone... else.

Cole Turner. Sometimes known as Belthazor.

Oh, Phoebe. This is one of those times that you will be glad that you lead with your heart.

You're going to fall so hard for him, and it's okay, because he's going to love you, too. He's going to do his best to fight it, at first, and try everything to defeat that emotion, but in the end, he's going to come around. He's going to choose you and the love the two of you share over everything he has known his entire life. There are going to be a lot of hurdles for you to overcome and a lot of obstacles for the two of you to deal with, but you damn well stick by him and fight for what's between the two of you, Phoebe. you fight for it. You will never be as loved and as happy as you will be with Cole. He's your strength, Phoebe, and you're his soul.

Don't forget that. Ever.

There is so much more that I would like to say, but if I try to tell you everything I want to, I will never stop writing and you will never read this.

Go give Prue a hug... and Grams, too.

Love,
Phoebe


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: Charmed
Words: 474

That's... that's a hard question to answer because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings with my answer. I have a wonderful boyfriend. Two terrific sisters. I have a father who is trying to get to know us better.

But in my time of need?

Piper. I would turn to Piper.

Growing up, it was Prue that I would always run to. But after Grams died and I ran away to New York... Piper became the one person I knew I could reach out to and talk to. I don't know how many times I called her to cry on her shoulder about things -- forgetting about the three hour time difference in a lot of cases.

When I was forced to break up with Clay and I lost my job and I had no idea what I was going to do, it was Piper that I called to cry on. It was Piper who told me that it was time that I come home.

Piper has always been there for me no matter what.

I know I can count on both of my sisters for anything, I've just always felt more at ease talking to Piper.

I know that if everything really bad came down, Cole would be standing right beside my sisters and I -- even if Prue doesn't completely trust him.

I also know that it just about killed both Prue and I when we thought that we had lost Piper to that stupid disease. Prue and I were both willing to break all of the rules and damn the consequences to save her when she went into the coma.

She's always been there for us and I know in a crisis that we both turn to her.

Piper's my best friend and the first one I think of when I am in need.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 307

The penguin costume. Definitely. The penguin costume was the most embarrassing moment of my entire life.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 16

Worst advice? Clay telling me not to be afraid of taking chances in life and with him. He almost got me killed -- and this was before the run-in with the Guardian of the Urn when he brought it to San Francisco in hopes of getting me to get Prue to sell it for him.

Best advice? That came from Grams. She told me to be true to my heart and to myself.

Grams told me that of all of us, I was the most like her and that there were times I would get my heart broken because I would run head first into things while wearing my heart on my sleeve. She said she was a wild one in her youth, as well, and had the pictures and the stories to prove it. She said that no matter what happened in my life, if I always listened to my heart and was true to it, things would work out all right.

I think that was the best advice I have ever received in my life.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 177

Pre-Charmed Ones or Post-Charmed Ones?

Because there are a few times in both lives that I would want to relive.

Before we got our powers? The main moment in my life I would like to relive would be that whole fiasco with Roger. Just thinking about what he did gets me angry even today. I would have kicked his ass if I had realized all of the trouble that he was going to cause -- if I had known how wide the gulf between Prue and I was going to become because of it.

I never tried to lay a hand on that sleaze, Roger. He annoyed me and I was never attracted to him and he belonged to my sister! I don't know what he hoped to accomplish by causing a rift between Prue and I, but whatever it was, it backfired. Yeah, I ended up leaving the house and the state over it, but Prue also kicked his ass to the curb.

I will admit that there are times that I want to track him down and demand to know what the hell he was thinking when he did all of that to me or what he was trying to accomplish, but there's a problem. If I see him again, I'm going to get really upset as I think of all of the trouble he caused between me and Prue.

I have a demon boyfriend that I have a soul bond with. If he senses me getting upset, he'll try to find the source of the upset and put an end to it.

And that would be a very bad thing.

No, really, it would be.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 278

I'm not sure this even counts, but there has been one time in my life that stands out more clearly than any other about mistaken identies and such.

I was my future self. As in I was taken from our time and transported into the body of my future self. That was the worst identity crisis I think I have ever experienced.

I had a premonition about me being burned at the stake for some crime I had committed. I was freaked and my sisters were bound and determined that that future was not going to happen. So... as much as I argued with them not to risk themselves, too, all three of us cast a spell to take us into the future.

We were supposed to get there with enough time to find my future self and stop her from doing whatever it was she had done to end up on death row and then on fire.

Something went wrong. Something went very, very wrong.

Instead of us getting there a few days ahead of time to save my future self from whatever mistake she had made... we ended up as our future selves with only a couple of hours until my execution... for murder. The actions of my future self had also caused 21st Century Witch Hunts because she had murdered someone using her powers -- something I still do not understand how happened. How could we have murdered someone using our powers? My powers aren't active. I have premonitions of the future and visions of the past.

It didn't matter, though, because she had... and I was the one that was about to be punished for it.

No one believed that it wasn't me, that I would never do something like that, but the future's Leo... he showed me what had happened and why my future self had snapped and killed someone.

It was me that they fastened to the stake and set on fire...

Me.

Luckily, the Elders sent us back before the worst could happen... but it was damn close. I actually felt myself burning before they decided to send us back home.

That was a really bad case of mistaken identity.

I almost died.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 370

Living to see my next birthday? My sisters living to see their next birthdays? Cole not being hunted?

When I was younger, long before we got our powers, I used to dream about wild and fantastic things. I wanted to be Cinderella and have a fairy godmother that would lead me straight to my prince. I wanted to be a female Robin Hood and fight the bad guys and be loved by the good guys. I wanted to be a goddess that could make every wrong right. I wanted to be the fair maiden that had a brave and sexy knight like Lancelot that would fight for her honour and save her from the dragons that threatened her.

That was a long time ago, and my dreams are not nearly as fantastic any longer.

When I close my eyes to sleep now, it's not dreams I usually have, but premonitions of things to come or nightmares of what has happened or the danger my family faces.

When I do dream?

I dream of my sisters and the ones we love having our happily ever after.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 185

It would all depend on what exactly you mean by superstitious.

I'm a witch, so I know that in theory I probably have several innate superstitions that I'm not even consciously aware of. I guess it supposedly comes with all of the issues and responsibility of being a witch.

However, I'm really not sure I have any real superstitions. I mean I love black cats and I have no problems with Friday the 13th -- well, except for when Barbas decides to show up and see how much havoc he can cause all of us.

When were sent to the past to help our ancestors, I ran into a man that told me if I blew in the orange peel he was peeling, it would form the shape of the first name of my true love when it was dropped into the water. In the water, the peel formed the shape of a "C" and I knew it meant Cole. I'm not sure if that trick fell under superstition or belief.

I have several fears, but not too many superstitions that I know of.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 184

Oh that's funny. I'm not really allowed in the kitchen to do any cooking. Cooking is Piper's domain and she rules the kitchen with an iron mixing spoon.

I've tried cooking, I really have. But, as Prue pointed out when I offered to make her dinner once, me offering to cook for you is akin to me making a threat to do you bodily harm.

I'm a master at getting take-out and delivery, though.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 74

A vacation?

Seriously. I cannot remember the last time I, or anyone in this family, has had a real vacation. Every time we try to, something really bad happens. Three years of being Charmed Ones and you would think that at some point we would get a breather.

Halloween? We got sucked into the past to save our ancestors and almost got hung. Anniversary of us getting our powers? Little evil demon stole the book and started bringing back everything we had vanquished. Prue's birthday? Had to protect a nice young man from some soul-collector thing and help him move on. Let's not even talk about how badly Valentine's Day always goes for us.

I would just really like to have some down time for us all. Me with Cole. Piper with Leo. Prue with... whomever or whatever.

I really don't think it's too much to ask for. We've been kicking the ass of evil and protecting all that's good -- not to mention risking our lives on a daily basis. We have more than earned some down time.

That's what I really want right now. Time to relax, regroup and breathe.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 192

Oh, like you guys don't already know the answer to this one.

My life would be a lot damn better if the Underworld would get a clue and leave us alone, the Elders would stop meddling in our lives, and the Source would stop sending people to kill my boyfriend.

Those three things right there would make my life much better in so many ways you really have no idea.

Just a moment of peace from the chaos and tension of being the Charmed Ones would be exceptionally nice, too.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 90

Oh that's easy.

Cole makes me laugh and he makes me smile and he just makes me feel completely good no matter what's going on in my life. No matter how upset I am or how many times I'm down and crying, Cole knows how to pick me up and get me to laugh again. He doesn't even have to try very hard, he just seems to know what I need to get my smile to come back. I don't know how he does it, he just does. He makes the tears go away and I start laughing again.

He's loving and silly and charming all at the same time.

Oh, and he's very ticklish, too.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 116

Change my hair color.

No, seriously. When I'm upset or down about something I cannot change, I go through a new beauty routine and change my whole appearance. A new appearance can usually refocus my whole outlook and how I go about tackling a problem.

If I'm still feeling down after that?

I go see Cole and don't resurface for a few hours... or days...


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 65

That I was aware of or that I wish I had been more aware of?

Because I can name two losses right off the top of my head -- Grams and Mom.

When Grams died, I felt like my heart was ripped right out of me. She was the one member of the family who understood me, accepted me, and was patient with me no matter how much of a handful I was. She was my best friend and my confidant -- and she always stuck up for me. I ran away from San Francisco when she died. I spent some time thinking that there was nothing for me here without Grams.

I've come a long way since then, but I really don't think I will ever get over losing Grams. I know it still hurts.

Mom died when I was a baby, so the loss I feel about her is an emptiness that will never be able to be filled no matter what I do -- and believe me, there really were times where I tried.

I never got the chance to know my mom and it has been something that has chased me throughout my life and growing up. I got to meet her once, when we went back to the past to find a way to vanquish an evil warlock. You have no idea how hard it was to say goodbye when we had accomplished what we went back for -- or not to interfere with the past in order for her to live. Actually, I tried to, and then had to not leave her the note I had tried to.

In a sense, I lost her all over again when we returned home.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 287

Oh temper, let me count the ways that I have been known to lose it.

Actually, there are only certain things that cause me to lose my temper as I have always tried very hard to be someone who doesn't lose it easily. However, like everyone, I do have things that trigger my temper.

Above and beyond anything, do not mess with my sisters. I will go from being compassionate and caring to being ready to kick your ass in a heartbeat. These are my sisters and I won't tolerate anyone hurting them or upsetting them.

You want to see my temper? Try messing with Piper or Prue.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 108

( My Immortal )


That song seems to fit me in so many ways.

When we lose someone -- or I lose someone -- I just cannot seem to let go. Whether it's us losing someone to death... or losing someone for some other reason, they just always seem to be a part of me. I think of them a lot and it really takes a great deal of time for them to fade -- if they ever do.

The most painful and clearest example that I have of this was when I found out that Cole was a demon sent to kill us. I had fallen so deeply in love with him and I finally thought I had the neverending forever love that Cupid had promised me that I would. When I fell in love with Cole, I thought I had my happily ever after that so many girls and women dream of. When Prue had those empathic powers that didn't belong to her, she even told me how much Cole loved me and that I should go talk to him.

Then, things happened.

My sisters and I had a very bad fight -- one that was caused by Andros, Demon of Rage -- and we used our powers on each other. Because of that, we lost our powers and the Power of 3 was shattered.

After the fight, I ran to the one person I felt loved by and felt safe with. I ran straight to Cole. I had no idea that he was the demon Belthazor that had been sent to kill us -- or that he had been the one that had hired Andros to break my sisters and I apart. All I knew was that I needed him to hold me.

He held me as I cried and then he told me that I couldn't stay with him, that I had to work things out with my sisters.

When I found out a few days later that he was a demon and supposedly our enemy, I was devastated. However, I believed him when he told me that he loved me. I loved him so much and he loved me, so what can you do?

You can lie to your sisters and pretend to vanquish the man you love and accept that you guys can never see each other again.

That's what you can do.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 395

I have a great many thoughts on love. I think love is something that is very important to have in your life and you should try to hold onto it whenever and however it comes into your life. Don't examine it too closely and don't try to hold it at arm's length -- you never know what you might miss.

Most of my life, I have dated all of the wrong types of guys. Most of them were bad for me in so many ways, but I kept dating them because I was looking for something strong and enduring. None of them lasted and things always fell apart -- well, except with Billy, but he didn't really exists.

Then, I met Cole Turner and I realized what I had been missing during all of those years.

I have never loved anyone like I love Cole -- and I have never felt that kind of deep and abiding love in return.

Cole is my soulmate and I really cannot imagine life without him. I have fought to keep him and I will continue to fight to make sure he is safe and with me.

The Underworld underestimated the power of our love for each other and so have a lot of other people. My love for Cole is not something that can ever be destroyed and I really don't think anyone wants to try that.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 234

My family? They're pretty much more important to me than my own breathing. If anything were to happen to one of my sisters, I don't think I'd survive it -- and believe me, there have been some pretty close calls. I think the scariest was when Prue and Piper were trapped in that painting and the warlock set it -- and them-- on fire. It was a very, very close call, but luckily the three of us got out of there mostly unscathed.

Prue and Piper are more than my big sisters, they're my best friends. I would really do anything I had to in order to keep them safe.

The bad guys tend to forget that sometimes.


Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Word Count: 118

My greatest fear?

I used to think that being trapped in an elevator was my greatest fear. I've never been a big fan of them and most of them have always terrified me.

However, that wasn't even close to what I was really terrified of, and the fear demon, Barbas, used that to his advantage and caught me completely off guard. It wasn't until he used me as bait to try to lure Prue to her death that I was forced to face up to my real fear.

Losing one of my sisters.

While I was being forced to watch Prue struggle for her life in that swimming pool, I felt myself dying as well. It was like the panic over watching Prue drown was literally suffocating me. Piper almost lost both of us that night, and I think Barbas was counting on that.

What he didn't count on was that we're Halliwells.

Right when it seemed to be over, that Prue was gone, she suddenly came back up out of the water and faced Barbas down. Later, she told us that Mom had come to her and helped her see past her fear to save us both from Barbas.

I still have that fear -- of losing one of my sisters. I don't what I would do if I lost Prue or Piper. I really do think it would destroy me completely.

That's not something I ever want to have to face, and I'll do anything I can do to make sure they stay safe.




Muse: Phoebe Halliwell
Fandom: "Charmed"
Words: 256